I woke up in the same bed facing the same corner of the same room I was in when I spoke to my Dad for one of the last time’s before he passed away 5 months ago.
After a good cry session, I left the house to head down to the beach, in search of healing.
Honestly, I was so sad on the way there. I mean crying in front of strangers sad (not my thing, btw). I was walking by the beach, staring at the beautiful, roaring ocean, letting the tears come. I had a destination in mind, but instead I walked another mile down to the Self Realization Temple.
Passing by throngs of strangers, trying to hide my tears, I heard a voice say:
‘How can you be sad? Everything has been given to you.’
I looked around me, but either the person had already left or…
A wave of peace rushed over me and I stopped walking. There, in front of me, were two empty chairs overlooking the sunset. I sat down and stared at the tranquil ocean. I felt, I swear, like I was sitting there with him.
I knew my Dad had already given me everything and anything I could ever have wanted. He affected my life in the best way possible. He loved me In a way people rarely receive love. Unconditionally.
And I am here, now.
A legacy.
I have to appreciate that.
After I moved, he would always ask me if I planned on staying in California. Not because he wanted me back in NY (I was flying back home to visit just about every month… cause damnit, I missed him!) but because he wanted to make sure that’s where my destiny was supposed to take me and, most importantly, that things were working out. That means that the best way that I can live. . . is to make things work out. And maybe I don’t have him here to guide me (at least not in the way I was used to), but I know he’s helping me work out the kinks in his own way.
I gave myself blessings for my good health, strong will, and a host of other things I’ve become extraordinarily grateful for. Honestly, watching him suffer so much, and losing him, was one of my greatest fears, and I still bravely face the reality of it each and every day. I smiled on a day I never, ever thought I’d be capable of smiling.
We all want to believe that our trials in life are harder than other’s. It gives us a sense of importance, or entitlement. How many times have you heard someone say, “If someone had only gone through what I had gone through, they wouldn’t be…” There are a lot of people who’s main joy in life consists of comparison – a small comfort to bring a sense of triumph into their own lives.
Your health, your youth and your livelihood are all influenced by your mind. Self pity is one of the worst mental habits I, or anyone, could have right now (or ever!) It creeps in and makes allowances for our faults, places blame on others and robs us of our self respect. So don’t ever let someone, or some event, try to take your happiness away from you. It is better to have your conscience and your logic and your health and your sense of well being, than to have the approval of people. I miss my Dad. A lot. That’s the truth. But the bigger truth is: he’d want me to be happy. No one took anything away from me: in fact, quite the opposite. I truly feel like in having my Dad in my life for the 27 amazing years that I did, I was given an amazing gift.
The best view of all is what you see in others. There is a lot of happiness cultivated in small things: in gratitude, in noticing details, in stopping and remembering and in focusing on your breath. In listening, and appreciating what is right in front of you, right now. I encourage you to find your Happiness. Your happiness is your success.
With love,
Tara