“You need help.”
These words hit me like a slap in the face.
Mostly, because they came from my therapist.
But also, equally, terribly, most frighteningly…
because she was right.
I really, REALLY needed help.
I had been a solo parent to my sweet son Z for 10 months.
In that time, I had naturally birthed my baby – no drugs, no doctors, no medical intervention.
Almost immediately, overnight, I started a custody battle as I was still healing, just a few weeks post-partum.
Then, as if the universe couldn’t add anything more, I suddenly lost my mom.
One day, we were chatting and laughing for hours on the phone, our relationship the best it’s ever been.
One day, we were making plans for her to meet my son for the first time.
The next day, she was gone.
My son was 3 months old.
The pain was unimaginable.
I couldn’t breathe, but I had to breathe.
I couldn’t function, but I had to function.
I couldn’t smile, but I had to smile.
I didn’t have a choice.
I lived alone, and even though I was legally, physically, financially and in every other way my sons only parent… I couldn’t leave the state. No. I couldn’t leave the county. Because of a box checked on a custody form.
We got a court date, so it could be changed… but the court date was months out.
I couldn’t go to my family, who were over 3,000 miles away.
I had no support – financially, physically or in any other way.
No.fucking.pressure.
I was surviving on the only support I truly did feel like I had –support I had created for myself, with myself, inside myself, over the last decade.
This moment in my life was what it was all for.
After I lost my mom, I just dove into motherhood and all the habits I’d built up over the years.
Having those tools was everything for me – I have no idea what kind of coping mechanism I would have had without them. I shut down the business I had been creating for ten years and for the first time in my entire life – since the age of 14 years old – I stopped working.
I couldn’t even wrap my mind around working.
I stopped diving headfirst into my business and I dove headfirst into the most important work of all: self-work.
I was inspired to level up for myself, but now I had someone even more important to show up for: my son.
I fought hard for him, and though I can say today that we are both safer and better off for it, at the time there was a lot of uncertainty that made it incredibly scary and difficult at times.
And after 10 months, I had called my therapist in tears.
Because I just needed a break.
Just. One. Break.
One moment where I didn’t have to bring a baby into the shower with me.
One moment where I could take a walk around the block alone.
One moment where someone could watch him, just for an hour.
Because it quickly became apparent that
I didn’t just need a break.
I needed something SO much harder to find:
I needed help.
And I needed help that I could trust.
My son and I had already been through so much.
How was I EVER going to find someone, never mind multiple people, that I trusted to spend time with him without me, and how was I going to create a sustainable, free, wonderful life for the two of us, with NO ONE’S emotional, financial, or physical help?
I think about that day a lot.
My son is 22 months now, which means that conversation happened exactly a year ago.
One year, and I can’t tell you how much more secure and supported I feel in our lives.
One year, and not only am I back to work – my business is constantly sold out and thriving.
One year, and we have not only found support – we’ve found incredible friends and adopted family (and we now see my real family back in New York as often as we want to!)
I’ll admit: I’m not perfect.
I absolutely could have handled so much of my time, energy, finances and energetic frequency differently at times.
If I could do it over again, I would make a couple of small tweaks that would save me and Z a lot of time – and add to his college fund on top of it.
In the last few months, I’ve started sharing these tools with other moms, entrepreneurs, college students and high value women.
And I’ve seen their lives level up in ways they never imagined.
You guys know I’ve never coached before – and to be honest, I am very uncomfortable calling this offer “coaching.”
It’s an intensive with me in a safe container of other people who want to level up FAST, so that a year from now, they’re looking at a completely different life.
It also includes access to a licensed therapist and some of the best clinical and natural-forward doctors in the world, because it’s important for me that you have the tools – ALL the tools – that I had, to get your own results.
I want to tell you – it’s possible.
With no parents, no trust fund, no partner and NO help.
I want to show you how.
