If there’s one thing you cannot do towards me when I have an idea, it’s Stop me. You can support me, be happy for me, help me, mock me, fund me, tease me, torture me, or attempt to take it from me, but I’ll be damned if that vision is not going to come to fruition. I don’t give up “for no one”, and I’m a perfectionist. I was hesitant at first to write about my journey specifically because it has involved so many other people – it’s hard to put all of those people to words or to help others understand how you got where you did without a myriad of support, and sometimes real hate and real rejection, to propel you forward.
One of my dearest and closest friends and fellow Life Viking Kate came to visit last week from New York. Basically, the only thing that we’ve not done together in 10 years that I can name is travel to this side of the country together. Life has brought us together rather tragically most of the time: I’ve been to more funerals with this girl than parties or sweet 16s or weddings. But the Universe has a plan for us, and she used some of her days off to visit California and stay with me 3,000 miles away: something I will be thankful for always.
Can I really say I missed her? It was really nice to have a fellow scientist around! I do miss the discussions and the lab banter. She’s currently wading through her MD/PhD program, and I really couldn’t be happier or more proud for her about that.
One of the nights she was here, I was informed via the internetz that my friend and fellow actor Patrick was in town. We went out to meet up with another friend from our home town (Epic New York reunion!) and Patrick joined us awhile later. Pat’s ceaseless efforts towards his comedic web series Stop The Bleeding! has been absolutely inspiring! With the help of Pharmaceutical company Baxter, he’s producing a comedic, fictional web series about a goofy hemophiliac in order to help engage our community in a contemporary, entertaining way. I absolutely love the idea of this – Pat is absolutely engaging and it’s so wonderful that he is creatively doing his duty to bring awareness and serve others! He’s also pretty much an unstoppable force in the acting and producing world in NY. And quite funny! 🙂
Patrick and I had a conversation towards the end of the night that has stuck with me, and one I’ve meditated on quite a bit since. And that is the idea of how he came to be in California for an 8 hour writing session (!!) just to head back home, and how I came to be there to change my life. How we have both somehow paid our bills and are riding on much support (a bit of sponsorship!), and blind faith to carry us from month to month, project to project and idea to idea. Because, truly – my entire journey has been almost entirely faith based! Without the belief, the vision, and the determination behind something like a grand project or a grand idea to work towards from week to week, I have no idea how I would have kept my head above water.
It is nothing BUT the Blessed Unrest that keeps me interested in the day to day. It is telling yourself: I do not have any other choice but to be successful and well, and meaning it. There simply IS no room for screwing up or negative thoughts or not focusing. It gets me up early and keeps me working late. I find the mystery, the not knowing, the working, the convincing, the endless speaking and passion and creative work to be endlessly inspiring. There is more to create and it is infinite and I am powerless to do anything but make more. And then, to use that towards something good? To make uplifting music or to make an inspiring video or a collaborate on a commercial, or take a beautiful photograph or to reach out to a small brand and make their vision come to life is truly humbling. Diligence is the mother of good luck.
When you’re being something you’re not, you’re miserable. I found this to be one of the most true things I have learned all year, if not all of my life. Happiness doesn’t come from big pieces of great success, but by small pieces hammered out every day. By laying the brick to make the Great Wall. You’ll be as happy as you make up your mind to be RIGHT now. Being happy on the way doesn’t cost you anything (in fact, it’s one of the ONLY things that don’t cost you anything!): you’ve got to enjoy the journey and take pride in your little accomplishments, and enjoy who you are becoming every single day. We are infinitely moldable but it is our duty to work on that diligently and with positive thoughts behind it, in order to build up to success. Success is a pleasure, and it’s entirely relative. If what I am doing today isn’t gratifying, if I’m not fulfilled: that’s not success to me. But you cannot change what’s going on around you until you understand what’s going on within you. Even small, positive changes really help towards this goal.
It still really astounds me how much can happen in such a short time with just a more positive outlook. By answering that e-mail a little nicer than you intended, or concentrating on being kinder to your loved ones, giving someone a call you haven’t spoken to or going for a run can change you. They’ve changed me! Every single morning I have risen with the sun, every indulgence I’ve said no to, every nasty e-mail that I’ve answered kindly from people who just don’t want to understand, every single person I’ve smiled at when they were screaming at me and my dog, every stranger I’ve spoken to even though I was tired or snippy has changed me for the better and propels me forward every day.
It is the curiosity that compels me.
There’s a wonderful Confucius quote that inspires me daily:
“ The Man who says he can, and the man who says he can not.. Are both correct.”
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