In my work, I often get asked one question that, strangely enough, makes me smile. After a speech, a book signing, or a workshop, at least one person will come up to me and admit they’ve been battling a health struggle. Clutching my signed book with hope, they always lean in just a bit and whisper, “I keep asking myself: Why would this happen to me? What is the purpose?”
And I think they’re always slightly surprised.
Because I have the answer.
Why Do We Get Ill?
Sometimes, illness just happens. Maybe we’re born with it, or worse yet – maybe it creeps up on us later in life. These can range from the seasonal allergy to heartbreaking conditions like lyme disease, muscular dystrophy or mental illness. This isn’t karma, it’s not life telling you something, and it’s not a punishment. Oftentimes shit just goes down like that.
But truly, it’s a gift in disguise.
In fact, illness actually gives us the tools we need to become who we were meant to be. If we let it.
While illness is frustrating, heartbreaking, life changing and incredibly life-affirming (nothing like suddenly not being able to do something to appreciate what you can do!), it also often lends itself to one thing: a defeatist attitude.
Sometimes, we unconsciously use illness as an excuse for not achieving our deeper goals and dreams, or for limiting ourselves. This is called a “secondary benefit” from the illness. In Psychology and Counseling, this is a common subject of discussion. The primary gain is positive motivation (aka relief and sometimes pleasure in not being able to perform a task) and the secondary gain is the excuse (missing work, avoiding family and financial obligations, etc.)
Then, there’s the third gain. This, in my opinion, is the most common.
The third gain is other people’s sympathy. And it’s very real.
So yeah, I’m basically saying we all keep ourselves sick in one way or another. BUT WAIT! DON’T CLICK AWAY!
I know what you’re thinking. It was the same thing I thought when someone told me I had created my own illness.
I lived in NYC at the time, and like any Native New Yorker might, I practically spit in their face.
I was so, SO incredibly insulted. How could you possibly think I created this for myself? I am DYING! I AM BED RIDDEN! I AM SICK EVERY 5 MINUTES! I CANNOT KEEP ANY FOOD DOWN! Why would I do this to myself? You moron! What an idiot! Jesus christ! Created my illness! Yeah FUCKING right! Go back to med school!
But hear me out right now. Because being called out on co-creating my illness was one of the most powerful things that ever happened to me.
Why Would We Keep Ourselves Sick?
In some skewed way, we all have created our issues and illnesses in order to keep us safe and secure. In homeopathy, we call this our “unconscious defense mechanism” and say that the illness serves to “protect” us.
This may sound like I’m calling you out.
I am.
But I am calling myself out too, and all of us who have been chronically ill in some way.
I actually touched on this a little bit in my book when I said, ” I designed my life this way because I was scared – not only of what would happen if I stayed sick, but the longer I was sick, I started to get scared about what I’d have to do with my life when and if I got better. This was an especially frightening thought, because I knew that the sort of jobs that I had in the past had contributed immensely to my illness.”
We are all human, and all people create these unconscious self-limiting webs in some part of their lives.
It’s not that the illness is in any way our fault. It’s not.
It’s not that we have conscious control over it. We don’t.
But sometimes, if we stop and really think about it and are honest with ourselves on a very deep and personal level, we realize that there is a part of us that’s afraid to live without the limitations caused by the illness.
To believe that an illness has just “happened” to you is the truest way to limit yourself from getting better.
How Can You Help Yourself?
It’s helpful to try to realize that in some larger, spiritual way, we have actually co-created our illnesses and our limitations along with the universe. In some unconscious way, the illness is what is keeping us stable, even as it’s limits seem to impair our lives.
This deeper realization is the beginning of learning to change and heal. Beginning to realize that we are exactly in the right place right now, and that we don’t really need to change anything about ourselves, is our very first step to becoming Healed.
After this first step and initial realization, we can begin to explore the complex web of events that went into co-creating our illness and our subsequent limitations. Be honest with yourself. Give yourself space and quiet time to undo any limitations you’ve set for yourself.
Once you start to piece together what has mentally, physically and emotionally caused your illness, this web of co-creation can be undone.
In other words, piece-by-piece, we can learn to emotionally, intellectually, and physically remove the threads of the intricately crafted web that has limited our life.
Gangaji said it best when he said, “In meeting yourself, free of all shoulds and musts and wills, for even a moment, you realize that even if nothing gets fixed or done, simple natural fulfillment is already here.”
Ask Better Questions:
Some people feel limited in their physical bodies, due to an ailment such as migraine headaches, psoriasis, or excruciating back pain (to use examples of crippling things I’ve suffered from chronically in the past).
Other people may feel limited in their ability to create a rewarding work experience or a fulfilling relationship. Still others may feel limited emotionally in their ability to connect with love and vulnerability to others.
You might say, “Why me?”
But a better question to ask is this: “Why am I blessed with the greater awareness that allows me to be consciously involved and evolving in this healing process?”
Once you can ask this question, you can wholeheartedly and with brand new vigor, grab onto the loose ends of your web, ripping them apart and peeling them back to discover newly accessed freedom, personal power, and balance. Freedom from pain, freedom from patterns that have held you back, and renewed energy to accomplish your goals—these are the promises of the holistic approach to health.
Healing Long Term
This is our Life, and it’s a Grand Scheme. There is no quick fix to a chronic problem. Regardless of what a Psychiatrist or MD might tell you, there is no magic pill. Not for anything.
Behavior tweaks and soul searching is 100% necessary for long term wellness. Years of mental and physical build up, of tension, and of unconscious trauma have served to create illness in our bodies. You won’t get better in a day, and frankly, it wouldn’t be too spiritually or even physically rewarding if you did.
You didn’t get ill in a day, even if you got sick in a day.
Finding the silver lining and value in our illness is the key to unlocking our healing process. It will be an ongoing commitment to work with healthcare professionals and the ones you love to identify the knots in the web of your illness. It’s a rewarding process to see them and to begin to remove them one by one, to free your soul, and thereby free your body of the pain, dysfunction, and pathology that has been created over the years.
Want more tips on how to begin to heal?
Get them here!
With Love,
