No one’s life is perfect all of the time. Not everyone is going to agree with you all the time. However, it’s when we chose to use our voices to empower others, instead of to complain, we allow ourselves to truly feel happiness & we start to get the life we felt that we deserved all along.
I have made friends in the least likely of places. At my book signings, while opening up publicly about my childhood trauma. Through so many apps, which I used to think were silly. During detox, probably one of the least pretty times I’ve been through. I’ve made friends because of other’s people’s negative critiques about me, a judgment that I used to be so afraid of. These things have now brought the most incredible people into my life, hundreds of times over.
This has all come about because six years ago I made a huge commitment to myself – stop complaining. Stop judging. If you don’t have anything nice to say, say NOTHING and move on.
I know this can be difficult. We were literally genetically formed to judge others – for our ultimate survival. But in today’s world, day to day judgements, speculation and gossip really don’t serve us. This is especially true when the negativity is directed at another person or group of people. In the last few years I’ve learned that speaking negatively is a poison arrow. Our complaints are like arrows shot up into the air at no target; with no purpose they only fall back down onto our own heads.
Poisoned and meant for our enemy, they destroy us – NOT our enemy.
When you speak negatively about someone, instead of garnering sympathy or attention or whatever you seek, you are hurting yourself. How?
Negativity is the biggest tell: anyone who is truly happy has absolutely no notion to focus on the negativity in life. Someone who is truly happy has no time left in their life to complain about the hands that they’ve been dealt – they are too busy living well. When you’re truly hell bent on happiness, you’re living feverishly, making up for that wasted time when things might have been less-than-perfect in your past.
Yes, we can all complain about something or someone *if we wanted to.* No one’s life is perfect all of the time. Not everyone is going to agree with you all the time. However, it’s when we chose to use our voices to empower others, instead of to complain, that we truly feel happiness & start to get the life we feel that we deserve.
Clearly, there is a divine order to the universe. I am living proof that even the ‘worst things’ that can happen to us are many times blessings in disguise! Other people do not determine who you are or how others may view you. They can TRY, but at the end of the day people form opinions for themselves. Sometimes the good takes a minute to reveal itself. Don’t let this discourage you.
So, here is my challenge, or my self-realization project, if you will.
Today, I am recommitting myself to better serve those around me. I am going to be kinder. People have been through experiences you may know nothing about, even when you’re using them as a soundboard to voice your grievances. They may be able to check you if you’re coming from a negative place because of their past experience. Your drama or issues with other people are yours alone, so deal with them that way.
What if everyone in the world projected their best self (instead of their crazy crap) onto their friends and family every single day? There would be no time left for negativity! That’s why trying to make people feel bad for not feeling the way that you feel (or allowing them to do the same to you!) is low energy and a waste of your time.
Maybe it was my polite roman catholic upbringing, but I still get an icky, I’m-probably-going-to-hell kind of feeling when I find myself judging. Any of my loved ones can tell you that it’s always been super difficult to get me to point out someone’s flaws, since I don’t see any positive outcome in doing so. However, there is always room for improvement: to abstain completely from judgmental thoughts is the true goal, because judgmental thoughts do not serve me and don’t do anyone any good. They are another poison arrow. So, ridding myself completely of judgmental thoughts will be a big part of my new self-love project.
Most people in this world want love and happiness for themselves and others, but there’s a small portion of people that just don’t. They don’t want you to get stronger, or be better or get healthier. These people think that loving and caring for yourself is selfish, or they think that you believe you’re better than someone else because you care about yourself or begin to treat yourself lovingly. Maybe they’re a boyfriend or girlfriend or a stuck-on ex you can’t get rid of – maybe they’re your mom or your best friend or someone you never even noticed before. But you can bet that they’re there, and they’re often either close to you or trying to get closer. They may seem like the hardest people to get rid of or be kind to.
If you’re having a hard time being kind, walk away, then focus on consistently being your best self. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. The less explaining that you do, the more time you have for positive things.
I am also going to try to do more “walking away”. It’s easy to get swept up in the negative news or the frustration of traffic or other people’s judgements of you. Begin the process of realizing that they are small blips in time that can’t affect you if you don’t let them. You don’t need others approval to feel strong or to get better. What’s happening in Washington is not happening in your living room. What’s happening on social media does not need to be happening in your headspace. In order to do the most good for others, you first need to work on yourself. It’s hard to walk away, but it’s completely worth it. It gives you more time to focus on you, and working on you is paramount to helping others work on themselves and making the world a better place.
If I’m having a hard time with something, I’m going to give it LESS of my energy. This doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore it or put it aside: this means I am going to focus on the solution, instead of the problem.
I encourage you to join me.
Let’s keep reminding ourselves to always speak from our hearts ONLY. If you come from your heart ONLY, people will gravitate towards you for all the right reasons.
Be the light. Spread the love.