This last week has been one of the most surreal of my life.
On Monday I attended an after-party for the 58th Grammy Awards that also served as a cool fundraiser thrown by City Gala at The Playboy Mansion. It was hosted by P. Diddy with guest speakers Richard Branson and Buzz Aldrin (two of my personal heroes), who I ended up meeting and speaking to. So I’ve pretty much been to the moon, you guys.
Just a day later, I woke up to very exciting news: my book had hit #1 Bestseller on Amazon! I jumped around my house and cried and held it close to my heart before sharing it with my nearest and dearest. I kept the news close to me for a few blissful, beautiful hours before sharing it publicly. Still totally, totally surreal!
Thursday, I went on San Diego Living on The CW to talk about my book, Cured by Nature. As the host introduced me as “ an entrepreneur, motivational speaker and bestselling author of Cured by Nature, Tara Mackey…” it finally hit me. I.am.really.doing this.
(watch the full video here)
Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of my Dad’s passing.
The timeline of my life since I watched him take his last breath has been nothing short of miraculous.
Within 6 months I had my book deal in my hands, was cast in my first major music video (with many more featuring the likes of Selena Gomez and Snoop Dogg to follow) and was soon figuring out how I was going to balance a major film role with writing my book.
As I reflected on all of this – how much I’ve accomplished in just the last 2 years alone – a bittersweet feeling came over me.
Gosh, I wish Dad were here to see this.
It was followed very quickly by another feeling. A feeling I’ve become quite familiar with since I started my whole journey and even as I put the last flower on my Dad’s casket 2 years ago.
I felt nothing but complete, utter and total gratitude.
I felt nothing but absolute certainty that my entire life has unfolded exactly the way it should. From the crazy shit I dealt with as a child, to my biological parents drug addictions, to my adoptive parents, to my own addictions and brushes with death, every class I sat it, every fight I’ve had, every lonely late night or beautiful, cheery morning. It all had an amazing, incredible, powerful purpose.
And it has brought me right here.
As painful as it was to watch Dad fight and suffer for 2 and a half years before cancer ultimately won the battle, it would have been even more painful if I had tried to run, cover up or fight my feelings, instead of throwing myself into my health, my art, my creative work and ultimately, into facing my fears.
To deal, I created a healthy mission that’s only grown, expanded and filled my heart over time.
I felt him and I felt myself growing. I saw myself at 40 and 60 and 70. I allowed myself to be proud of how I’ve handled things, from the perspective of my future self. I talk to 70 year old me all the time.
And she talks to me, too.
She’s always saying stuff like, “Gosh we took really good care of our skin in our 20’s, didn’t we Tara?”
and, “It was really sad we lost our Dad so young, but MAN did we make up for it!”
I know Dad is still here.
There have been many signs that Dad has held my hand the entire time, even after his physical body was gone.
I was filled with immense gratitude for each and every one of you.
Every one of who you tells me what these emails mean to you, that my journey or my book or my blog or my message or a speech I did has somehow touched and encouraged you. Thank you.
To anyone who’s bought, read my book and especially to those who’ve shared it, thank you. When my publishing company told me that we pre-sold more books than people I have legitimately ever met or could possibly know (or maybe ever will!) I think I felt the most gratitude that I have ever felt.
To people who sent me daily emails from around the world – from countries my book is not sold in – telling me how this message has touched them. Thank you.
That’s when I stepped back and realized we’re only two and a half weeks into this thing, and you’re nurturing it all the way.
Because I may have put in the work, but you, my loves, are making this happen.
So, thank you. Thank you for caring about yourself, thank you for listening to yourself and thank you, most of all, for being you.
It’s you who’s proven to me that we’re capable of anything we put our minds to.
It’s you who’s encouraged me.
It’s you who bring dreams to life.
I owe it all to you.
I hope you’re having a beautiful weekend.
Thank you for being on this journey with me.
70 year old me says thank you, too.