Living My Medicine

Living My Medicine

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A couple of months ago, one of my greatest fears came true.  My hero, my Father, passed away.  Watching a parent die of Cancer is a life changing experience, and it’s definitely kept me from making unhealthy decisions all willy-nilly the way I used to in high school and College.  Facing your mortality isn’t always the most comforting experience, but if you use this to empower your life, it can be incredibly rewarding.   I have allowed myself to really live, mostly because that’s what my Dad would want me to do.

For the first few weeks all I wanted to do was sleep.  It wasn’t real to me, I didn’t feel like myself and I was completely exhausted.  Caring for my Dad in his final months, as well as the emotionally exhausting part of realizing he was actually gone, had drained me in every way.

 

+ Live, Learn, Do Nothing

When I came home I spent a few days curled up with a good book, listening to a ton of lectures about spirituality, dealing with death and life empowerment.  This proved to be extremely important, since a lot of times I was at a loss about how to be comforted.  My dear friend Josh Rosebrook actually sent me some great YouTube videos about crossing over and dealing with your departed that really changed the way I was grieving (for the better!) almost immediately.  I also took a social media break and allowed myself plenty of time to just do nothing, which was hard for me but has proved very integral to healing.

 

+ Travel

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Travel is one of my greatest therapies and I feel so lucky to be able to do it.  I finally lived out my dream of driving up to Northern California from Southern California (and back!) to work a Whole Foods Event in Monterey.  We were graced with incredible weather, food, people and organic products, as well as toured the Monterey Bay Aquarium before it opened.  I also went down to NOLA for my first time at the beginning of the month for an exciting project that I can hardly wait to share with you guys!  New Orleans is amazing and I had a blast.

 

+ Healing Rituals

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I light a candle for my Dad, my family and all my Ancestors once a day.  It keeps me mindful of where I came from, and grateful for who I am.

 

+ Nature 

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Whether it’s hiking, walking, swimming, surfing or just taking Raels for a good walk, I go out and spend some time in nature each and every day, no excuses.  My Dad actually inspired this a ton.  While we were going through his things for the funeral I found “running log” books dated from before I was born well into 2000.  He ran each and every single day, wrote down his stats, and even made little notes in the comments section about how he felt he was doing.  That kind of dedication inspired me incredibly to live his legacy in that same way.

 

+ Running

Once a day, at least.  On the beach.  Thanks, Dad. 🙂

 

+ Meditation

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More of it, and everywhere.  I visit the Self Realization Temples in Hollywood and Encinitas, but I also practice quite a bit at home and in nature.

 

+Art

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It’s just fun. 🙂

 

+ Books

Oh, books. What the hell would I do without you?  I’ve devoured quite a few – books on healing, autobiographies, some sci fi, and lots and lots of quantum theory.  This especially helps me to put my life into perspective, and even gets me lost in thought for the afternoon in the best ways.  Books that have been especially helpful are The Field, which my dear & talented friend Richard J Oliver recommended for me, Gandhi’s Autobiography, and The Book Of Secrets: Unlocking The Hidden Dimensions Of Your Life by Deepak Chopra, where he talks about losing his Dad quite a bit.

 

+ Music

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Between listening to it, working on it, and doing tons of music videos, music has kept me crazy amounts of sane these last few months.  Since the Arctic Monkeys video I did a couple of months ago, I’ve done videos with Young Money, Lea Michele, Calvin Harris, A Day To Remember, and Snoop Dogg, to name a few, and did my first casting work for a Demi Lovato music video.   I really, really enjoy this work.  It’s fun and creative and everyone is so great to work with.  Thanks, LA.  You really know how to keep a girl on her toes!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft8GWoNyyso&w=560&h=315]

 

+Saving My Face

Not only have I found my perfect mix of supplements for amazing skin, I found an incredible all natural esthetician and have started getting the most life changing facials.  I’ve also found some holy grail green products that I can’t wait to share with you guys that have truly saved my face!  I feel so much better, younger, and confident.

+ Acting!

I took my first acting class this week and I think I have found my new therapy.  I missed it so much.  Acting is definitely one of my greatest passions and I really look forward to pursuing it in LA.  Another reason to wake up in the morning?  Check, plz!  I’ll take it. 🙂

+ It’s Pamper Time!

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I got myself a new ‘do. Thanks, Groupon.  You can get a girl a makeover without breaking her bank. 😉

 

+ Natural Rx’s

One of the first things a doctor suggested when I explained that my Dad had just passed away, was drugs.  “Short term anti-depressants” she called them, and took out her pad to write me a prescription.   Not relying on something prescribed to “calm me down” at a time like this in my life would have seemed totally impossible just a few years ago.  I told her pretty plainly that it wasn’t an option for me.  The only kind of treatment I’d leave with would be vitamins or supplements, thank you.  Luckily, she quickly obliged.  But the suggestion reminded me of days when I truly believed there was a cure in taking “short term” drugs every day.  We all make different choices in how to heal, but personally, I think myself and my soul are perfectly fine without them.

+You

Between all your incredibly touching words, messages, suggestions, stories and encouragement, I have been so overwhelmed with Love and Kindness since sharing my story that I am at a loss of how to begin to thank anyone.  Just knowing that I am not alone or crazy in the way that I feel about death or losing a parent or any of that is comforting enough.  I can’t even name the now hundreds of people who have made me feel better in just the last few months.  We are all stronger than we know and smarter than we think, aren’t we? Thank you all for sharing parts of yourselves with me.  I really look forward to sharing some new, incredible things I’ve discovered on this journey with you.

 

Today’s Mantra: The higher you climb the better the view.

 

I Can't Thank You Enough…

I Can't Thank You Enough…

 

ICANT

First of all, I wanted to say thank you for all of the love, support, and kindness you’ve shown me since I shared that my Dad passed away. I have poured through your overwhelmingly beautiful messages and gifts of strength, that have come to me in so many different shapes and sizes.  The absolute grace and fortitude that life has shown me during such a difficult time through the beautiful gestures of other people still overwhelms me.  I can’t thank you enough.  I know we are all fighting hard battles and I appreciate those of you who are there for me as you go through your own.  It means everything.

There is and always will be a hole in my heart, even as I try my best to celebrate my Dad more with every day that passes, instead of getting overwhelmingly sad. As many of you know, losing a Parent, the person you look up to the most, is hard as hell. And being in this “watch helplessly while your Parent dies of cancer” club has been, well, terrible… and incredibly difficult. Nothing can prepare you. And believe me, there’s a lot of us. Too many. Being there with my Dad at the end of his life and witnessing his suffering, transition and passing was (and continues to be) an overwhelming experience that created a spark that I will always carry with me in the appreciation and respect of my own life and path.  But man, it’s still hard to deal with and I miss him so much…

And even though writing is one of my absolute favorite ways to express myself in the whole wide World, I need to allow myself some room to breathe before getting back to my little corner of the internet.  We often push ourselves to “bounce back” from emotional trauma, not only because we truly WANT to be okay, but sometimes other’s expect us to just “get on with it”.  Yes, maybe we still have to work, shower, eat or do things here and there that we’re not sure how we even seem to manage while grieving, but emotional trauma can cause just as much damage as physical trauma if it’s not addressed and dealt with in a healthy way.  As much as we can look okay on the outside, if we’re not addressing what’s going on on the inside, we’re in dangerous territory.

Really, what this means is, I have to put myself first before I can go on helping anyone else. I haven’t made any commitments to myself as far as blogging other than: When I come back, this thing is going to be even more amazing than it was before.  And I am gathering a pretty incredible, super talented team to help me make that happen. 🙂

Thank you all for being so patient with me, for honoring my space to grieve, for being so kind, thank you for being so understanding, and for sharing your own stories with me.  Thank you for being you, and for being here.  I am beyond grateful for each and every one of you.  

All my love,

Tara