The truth is, the happiest people I know are the ones who took a long, good look at their lives and went, “F**k it.” ( Fair warning, for those of you easily offended by four letter words, here’s where I’m gonna stop being polite in my spelling.)
Be it, ” Fuck it. I need a different job.” or “Fuck it. I need to leave this person” or “Fuck it. I need to move to Africa and help people less fortunate than I.” or “Fuck it. I’m playing hooky and going to the beach today”, it’s changed their lives. The idea of saying “Fuck it” to what you’re currently doing and embracing a different idea of what your life can look like in order to gain a different perspective is known to be daunting, challenging, frightening, super exciting, and it’s been coined: “Fuck It” Therapy.
Since he got up and left his life as an advertising creative in London, Founder of Fuck It Therapy John C. Parkin has written several Fuck It books, which have sold over 250,000 copies and been translated into 22 different languages. So it evidently has some resonance with people who are looking to simplify their life and stop worrying about the things that don’t really matter.
Ask anyone who’s come close to death, or lost someone close to them, or discovered they have a serious disease and they’ll say the same thing: that the little annoyances day to day, don’t matter. Here are 5 Steps to help you say “Fuck It” to the things that don’t matter and get some perspective on your life.
5. Be Conscious
Ever have a day that’s so beautiful you don’t want to share it on the internet? Or a day that’s so bad you can barely open your mouth to talk about it?
Essentially, Fuck It Therapy is all about True Mindfulness: getting away from your life and being able to examine it from the outside. Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment. Whether it’s the taste of food, the feel of some good sheets, a warm shower, a walk in nature, or the voice of a good friend, being conscious and appreciative of what we’re experiencing is a huge and important step to genuinely experiencing it. When everything is simplified, when everyday life is reduced to some simple therapy sessions and going to the beach – perspective is so much easier to get. What you’ve spent weeks worrying about or given yourself an ulcer over suddenly doesn’t seem worth a second thought.
When we’re unhappy we drink a bit too much or work too hard or eat too much. When you shine a light on it – that means going “Okay – I don’t feel too happy.” – That is huge in itself. Just being conscious creates a major shift and always manages to improve things.
4. Realize That Some Shit Is Just Out Of Your Control
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” – Lao-Tzu
No matter how much structure we create in our lives, no matter how many good habits we build, there will always be things that we cannot control — and if we let them, these things can be a huge source of anger, frustration and stress. If we are honest, most of us encounter problems that make them feel this way: with things that disrupt how we like things, with people who change what we are used to, with life when it doesn’t go the way we want it to go.
The truth is, you don’t control the universe, the drain pipes, other people’s feelings, the weather, or a whole other series of things.
The only way to truly not let this disrupt your life is to let go and realize that some things are out of your control. This philosophy is about accepting change without getting angry or frustrated. It’s taking what life gives you, rather than trying to mold life to be exactly as you want it to be. Shit happens. It’s up to us to find healthy ways to cope with it.
3. Do The Right Thing
Doing the “wrong thing” all the time had been such a source of my anxiety for years. It lead to so much clumsiness, regret and loss. Even though the experiences served as learning lessons, I knew I wanted to change my pattern of behavior for the better and for good. I realized early on that there was a huge difference between doing what I wanted to do, and doing the right thing at exactly the right time.
I got there only one way: Saying “Fuck It” to my selfish tendencies and putting myself in other people’s shoes. Really remembering that other people are real people with real feelings. Being there for someone when they need it even though I was exhausted and tired. Making that phone call and spending a good deal of time talking to my family instead of going to that party. Flying across the country to be with a friend who needed me. Writing down my feelings and dealing with them in conversations instead of shutting myself off. So many little steps that added up to a place of finally feeling like I was doing the right thing all the time. And they all came from saying “Fuck it” to my own needs, and opening myself up to other people’s ideas. It lead me to indulging in just being the nicest, best possible person for others. Call it an experiment – it worked, and it’s changed me profoundly.
2. Stop Caring About What Other People Think
A common conversation on hikes between myself and my down-to-earth model/actress friends is our lament about how crazy it is that after all our soul searching, we literally chose a career where we are judged/cast/granted work solely on what we look like and rarely even ever get to open our mouths about who we really are in the casting or audition process, when we don’t really believe in that philosophy in any way, or practice it ourselves when interacting with others. However, we do always come to the same conclusion: If we truly cared what other people thought, we couldn’t do this job. ( What with it’s constant rejection and never-ending tendency to get thrown under the microscope.)
The most liberated people I know are the ones who truly don’t care what other people think. Caring what others think has a nasty consequence: we tend to adjust our course. Whether it’s a feeling of competition, disappointment, anger or regret, these feelings bring us to only one place: down. And when we feel down we tend to do self-affirming or self-destructive things. We get cloudy-headed. Even if they seem harmless, these things can be distractions in our own path to wellness, happiness and our best goals.
Ultimately, relying on what you know is right and saying “Fuck It” to what others think will help you achieve your wildest dreams.
1. Worry Less, Live More
Ease up, let go, feel the flow, relax. These things sound pretty easy to some people and totally impossible (or very hippy dippy) to others. But truly, getting some perspective on your worry is essential to dealing with it. It feels SO good to admit that some of your biggest problems are just mild annoyances. Getting the courage to do anything comes from the courage to do little things along the way, like letting go, learning methods to de-stress, living more and making brave decisions. Meditation, journaling, laughing and being open in conversation with friends, family and loved ones are some methods that will help you get there!
Have you said “Fuck It” to something in your life and made a profound move?
Love & Light
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