First of all, I wanted to say thank you for all of the love, support, and kindness you’ve shown me since I shared that my Dad passed away. I have poured through your overwhelmingly beautiful messages and gifts of strength, that have come to me in so many different shapes and sizes. The absolute grace and fortitude that life has shown me during such a difficult time through the beautiful gestures of other people still overwhelms me. I can’t thank you enough. I know we are all fighting hard battles and I appreciate those of you who are there for me as you go through your own. It means everything.
There is and always will be a hole in my heart, even as I try my best to celebrate my Dad more with every day that passes, instead of getting overwhelmingly sad. As many of you know, losing a Parent, the person you look up to the most, is hard as hell. And being in this “watch helplessly while your Parent dies of cancer” club has been, well, terrible… and incredibly difficult. Nothing can prepare you. And believe me, there’s a lot of us. Too many. Being there with my Dad at the end of his life and witnessing his suffering, transition and passing was (and continues to be) an overwhelming experience that created a spark that I will always carry with me in the appreciation and respect of my own life and path. But man, it’s still hard to deal with and I miss him so much…
And even though writing is one of my absolute favorite ways to express myself in the whole wide World, I need to allow myself some room to breathe before getting back to my little corner of the internet. We often push ourselves to “bounce back” from emotional trauma, not only because we truly WANT to be okay, but sometimes other’s expect us to just “get on with it”. Yes, maybe we still have to work, shower, eat or do things here and there that we’re not sure how we even seem to manage while grieving, but emotional trauma can cause just as much damage as physical trauma if it’s not addressed and dealt with in a healthy way. As much as we can look okay on the outside, if we’re not addressing what’s going on on the inside, we’re in dangerous territory.
Really, what this means is, I have to put myself first before I can go on helping anyone else. I haven’t made any commitments to myself as far as blogging other than: When I come back, this thing is going to be even more amazing than it was before. And I am gathering a pretty incredible, super talented team to help me make that happen. :)
Thank you all for being so patient with me, for honoring my space to grieve, for being so kind, thank you for being so understanding, and for sharing your own stories with me. Thank you for being you, and for being here. I am beyond grateful for each and every one of you.
All my love,